


there’s something inside you (it's hard to explain)

by mischiefmanaged95



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable Steve Rogers, Aftercare, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blushing Steve Rogers, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes Returns, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Coming Untouched, Depressed Steve Rogers, Dom Bucky Barnes, Dom/sub, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Endearments, Established Relationship, Feeding Kink, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Sex, Hand Feeding, Happy Sex, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, It's All Kinds of Sex, Kissing, Light BDSM, Love Bites, M/M, Making Love, Misunderstandings, Multiple Orgasms, Needy Steve Rogers, Overstimulation, Possessive Bucky Barnes, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Civil War (Marvel), Praise Kink, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protectiveness, Rough Sex, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Shy Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Angst, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stucky - Freeform, Sub Steve Rogers, Subspace, Sweet/Hot, Top Bucky Barnes, True Love, Worried Bucky Barnes, implied depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 19:12:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9339083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischiefmanaged95/pseuds/mischiefmanaged95
Summary: Steve tried not to panic.He trusted Bucky. He did, with his life, with his heart. But the part of his mind that always seemed to win, the dark, insecure part, was telling him that Bucky had found someone better. That he had left Steve or was planning to. He knew Bucky needed space but he tried not to worry Bucky by shying away from him. He did all the ordinary things – worked on his art, went on missions and had dates with Bucky, but he was slowly dying inside.One night he had a panic attack after Bucky’s call.Another night he had a nightmare that Bucky had died and never came back.Last night, he had a dream where Bucky was getting married to someone else.~~~Fluff + Hurt/Comfort + Smut + A Happy Ending. Part Two:please don't take my sunshine away.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based off this lovely anon prompt: 
> 
> What if Bucky randomly wants to surprise his baby with something because he loves spoiling him, so he's randomly out, maybe late at night, giving excuses. Steve is freaking out, he trusts Bucky so much and knows that he would never, but the insecure part of his brain keeps telling him Bucky's gone and found someone better. One day Bucky says he's out with Nat, but then Steve runs into Nat. All he can hear now are the negative thoughts and the what ifs. 
> 
> Bucky comes back to see Steve shaking and crying, having a panic attack because 'Bucky doesn't love me anymore, Bucky found someone better, what am I gonna do, I need him, I can't live without him'. He shows his boy the surprise, and Steve is just so happy and relieved and in love that he can't do anything but jump onto Bucky and kiss him hard and deep, before Bucky eventually lays him on the bed, opening Steve up nice and slow, making him come at least twice before fucking into him deep, groaning. Steve is sobbing in pleasure, high whines and whimpers escaping him, and Bucky makes love to him just the way he likes saying "I love you so damn much stevie, god baby boy, there's no one, nobody for me but you, nobody better than you, you're so damn perfect, love you, Christ, you feel so good, fuck baby" Steve comes and comes and buck cleans him, feeds him, holds him. 
> 
> Any mistakes are my own. I own no one. I really, really loved writing this!! Title based off the song Nightcall!
> 
> Also, seen as both Bucky and Steve have had the serum (even if Bucky's is different - they're both super soldiers), the serums takes care of their health, so they don't need to use condoms as they're always in fighting health and are unable to get ill. Aside from in ABO, where they do, if they're not planning for children. And if not, Steve's on the pill, though of course, that can fail too. 
> 
> This is a work of fanfiction, so please remember to stay protected, have check ups and practice safe sex! While it is your body and you can choose to do whatever you want with it, protecting yourself should always come first.

Bucky had it all planned.

He wanted to surprise Steve with something he’d always wanted to buy him in the 40’s. It was this incredibly expensive paint set, an array of watercolours, paint brushes, pallets full of radiant colours and canvas paper. So, he had planned to go out and buy the gift he had been dying to get his hands on. He just hadn’t expected this to happen.

“Hey, Stevie,” Bucky said, when he reached Steve’s voicemail, “I’m just out, gettin’ a few things. I won’t be long, baby. Sorry, it’s so late. Love you.”

The truth was that they didn’t have the gift in stock at the moment and told Bucky to come back some time in the week. He hated lying to Steve, but all would become clear within a couple of days. 

It didn’t. 

Every night Bucky would go out, searching the city for an art supply store that would sell Steve’s gift but every one he visited, said the same thing – that they were sold out. It was the New Year and stock was running low, it would be at least two weeks, before he was able to get his hands on the set. And he hated having to give Steve excuses, but he didn’t want to spoil the surprise. He wanted to see that look on his sweetheart’s face when he opened the present. 

Steve hadn’t seemed, at least not at first, to be bothered by Bucky’s disappearances. Steve knew that Bucky loved him and would never step out on him or get mixed up in anything dodgy. At least, Bucky, who had been back with Steve, at the Compound for some time, after everything with Tony was cleared up and SHIELD came back, out of the shadows, was making solid progress with his mental state. T’Challa had fitted him a new arm. He was on medication and had weekly therapist appointments. He’d gained his patchy memories back, the fog cleared and the scenes of his past flashed in bright colours before his eyes, thanks to Wanda. 

He wasn’t perfect. By no means. And he still had nightmares, he stilled blamed himself. He still tried to do some good, like they all did really, to try and make up for the blood on his hands. It wouldn’t fix it, it wouldn’t erase the years of torture, but at least now, Bucky could be the nightmare Hydra had always forced him to be. Expect not on innocent people. On Hydra, themselves. 

So, in having done all of that, he had forgotten, naively, that Steve, as strong as he was, was fragile on the inside. And he hadn’t thought about what the lies would do to him.

  

*******

Steve tried not to panic. 

He trusted Bucky. He did, with his life, with his heart. But the part of his mind that always seemed to win, the dark, insecure part, was telling him that Bucky had found someone better. That he had left Steve or was planning to. He knew Bucky needed space but he tried not to worry Bucky by shying away from him. He did all the ordinary things – worked on his art, went on missions and had dates with Bucky, but he was slowly dying inside. 

One night he had a panic attack after Bucky’s call. 

Another night he had a nightmare that Bucky had died and never came back. 

Last night, he had a dream where Bucky was getting married to someone else. 

And earlier, in the evening when Bucky had said he was, “going out with Natasha”, he thought nothing of it. But when the dark gloom of the night came crawling over him, he knew what was coming. He just couldn’t stand it. The room was too small, it was closing in on him and he couldn’t breathe. He could barely stand but he ran out of the room and down the stairs. What he saw made his heart stop. _Natasha_. 

She was sitting there watching TV with Clint and Sam. 

They hadn’t noticed Steve at the top of the stairs. They didn’t seem him run back up and slam his bedroom door. They didn’t hear the sobs he let out as he sank down onto the floor, crying into his hands. _Bucky’s not out with Nat, he’s with someone else. Someone better. Better than me,_ Steve thought, tears splashing into his hands, heat flaring down his body. _Shame. I’m nothing. Nothing. Useless. Not good enough,_ he thought, rocking himself. 

He staggered to his feet and got into bed, under the covers. He curled up on Bucky’s side of the bed and took in his scent. He was safe here. It was warm and comforting, even if this was the last time he was going to lie here. He knew Bucky was going to come home and break up with him. He’d die. He was already slipping away inside. He couldn’t live without Bucky. He could barely function alone. 

 _Bucky doesn’t love me anymore_ , Steve thought, burying himself into the pillows, hiding from the world. Trying to stifle his sobs. He bit into his lip, drawing blood and let out a whine. He couldn’t even cry properly. 

 _What am I going to do?_ Steve thought, squeezing his eyes shut, heart breaking sounds leaving his throat as he tried to disappear into the covers. _I have to go. I have to go away for good. That’s what Bucky wants._

 _Doesn’t want me around anymore. He’s found someone better._ Steve cried harder, loud enough that Natasha heard sounds coming from the bedroom. _I need him. I can’t live without him. I’ll die. Properly this time._

At some point, Steve heard banging on the door and Natasha’s voice breaking through the foggy cries in his head but he instructed JARVIS to lock everyone out. In his haste to be alone, he had forgotten that the only person who could override his authority was Bucky. _Leave me alone. He left me. Left me. Alone. Cold. I want Bucky._

He cried until he couldn’t anymore. Until he was just lying there with silent tears running down his cheeks. He couldn’t tell how much time had passed. The banging had stopped and by now, Natasha had probably called Bucky and told him to come home. Steve wanted to tell her that there was no point. _He’s not coming back._

*******

 

The door swung open violently.

“Stevie?”

Steve squeezed his eyes shut and sniffed, “go away.” When really, all he wanted was for Bucky to hold him. But that was never going to happen, as a little voice in his heard snarled, _he doesn’t love you anymore._

“ _Baby_ ,” Bucky whispered, crouching down by the bed. Steve burrowed further under the covers. He couldn’t look at Bucky. He couldn’t. _He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want you. He wants you gone. He hates you._

“Sweetheart, _please_ ,” Bucky said softly, pulling back the covers. He was stronger than Steve, the serum he’d been forced to take had been harsher and tougher on his body and now he was larger than Steve too. Though Steve was physically strong and wonderful in his own, tight, lithe body that Bucky loved so much, Bucky was just… _more_. And Steve, when he was like this, could barely lift a hand.

Steve’s eyes were closed and he tried to shy away from Bucky, tried to get out of the bed, to _go_. _Get up, you useless idiot. Get up. He wants you to leave. Get up and go._ But Bucky wouldn’t let him.

He gathered Steve up into his arms and sat against the headboard with the blond on his lap. And Steve just…well, he just fell apart all over again. He knew he was being selfish, especially because Bucky didn’t want him, but he couldn’t help himself. He clung onto the brunette and sobbed into his shirt, trying to remember the way Bucky’s hands felt on him, the way his lips kissed his own, the way he made him _feel_ , before it was all taken away from him again.

“Stevie, baby. Tell me what happened. Sweetheart,” Bucky said gently, tightening his arms around the trembling male. Steve refused and shook his head, voice weak and frail.

“Natasha told me what you were mumblin’,” Bucky kissed his forehead, “I wasn’t with anyone, baby doll. I didn’t know how to tell you, and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

_Here it comes you useless, good for nothing, weakling. He’s going to leave you now. Just you wait and see. You and your pathetic existence should be wiped out for good after this._

“I was out buyin’ you somethin’,” Bucky kissed his temple, hands rubbing his back before cupping Steve’s face, “I wasn’t out with anyone, baby. I promise. I love _you_ so, so much.”

Steve opened his eyes and the sight of Bucky’s face so beautiful and near to his, had him whimpering brokenly. The look on Bucky’s face was so open and sweet and worried and Steve didn’t deserve it. His heart was sinking into his stomach, breaking apart at the seams.

“T-then why did you lie and s-say you were w-with Nat?” Steve asked, hiccupping over his words as tears trickled down his cheeks, “w-why did you leave at night for so many days?” _I’m not good enough that’s why. I’m not good enough. I’m disgusting. He hates me. He hates me._

“Stevie,” Bucky crooned, wiping away Steve’s tears, “oh, _honey_. Please don’t cry, please don’t cry, sweetheart. Oh, darlin’, I’m here, I’m right here. Bucky’s here. Did you think I left? Think I was seein’ someone else? Baby, you know there’s no one for me, but _you_. Fuck, I shouldn’t have lied. I should’ve been honest. I’m so sorry, baby. This is all my fault. Stevie, please, _please_ , look at me.”

Steve shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut, “i-if you’re gonna leave, t-then you can. If you d-don’t _lo-ve_ me anymore.” His voice broke at the word _love_ and he couldn’t hold back the whimper that left his lips. It was killing him. He was going to be alone. Forever. _No one will love you. No one. You’re worthless._

“Baby doll,” Bucky pleaded, his voice cracked. His heart was thumping in his chest. He felt _awful_. He’d done this. “Please don’t shy away from me, please don’t do this. Please, sweetheart. You did nothin’ wrong. Don’t disappear inside yaself, just let me explain.”

Steve sniffed and opened his eyes, looking at Bucky with such sorrow that Bucky had to kiss him on those trembling, reddened lips. Steve melted into his arms and kissed him back, sadly. He thought this was going to be their last kiss.

“Sweetheart, I went to buy you somethin’,” Bucky said, reaching around Steve for a bag behind him. “They didn’t have it in stock for a while, so I had to keep goin’ back. I wanted to surprise you with it, so I went at night. I shouldn’t have said I was out with Nat today, I’m _so_ sorry. I thought you’d sleep early, so tomorrow I could give this to you.”

“What is it?” Steve asked in a small, vulnerable voice.

Bucky smiled and kissed Steve’s nose, opening up the bag to reveal all the gifts he’d bought Steve. A gasp left Steve’s lips as he took out the sets and the paper, staring at them with wide, tearful eyes. “ _Buck_ …”

“Do you like ‘em baby?” Bucky asked, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist, as the latter turned and spread out the art supplies in front of him, pressing his back into the brunette’s chest.

“I…I love them,” Steve whispered, in awe, “they’re so pretty…this must’ve cost way too much Bucky –

“No, no, don’t you do that,” Bucky said, kissing Steve’s neck, “I get to spoil you. Okay? You’re _my_ baby boy and I get to buy you pretty things.”

Steve blushed and ducked his head, turning back around in Bucky’s arms, burying his face in Bucky’s neck, “I’m sorry I thought – I thought –

“Shh, shh,” Bucky smiled, kissing Steve’s cheek, cradling his boy to his chest, “it’s okay. I’m here now. I shouldn’t have lied. I love you so much, sweetheart. I’m never, _ever_ leavin’ you. _You’re mine_.”

Steve shuddered happily and looked up at him, “I’m _yours_.” Bucky’s eyes darkened and he pressed his mouth to Steve’s, kissing him hungrily. They kissed for a few heated moments, passion and fire licking at their hearts, spilling into each other’s mouths, happily, smiling together.

“God, I’m so sorry baby,” Bucky purred against Steve’s throat, sucking there, _marking_ him, reminding him that for Bucky, Steve was the only one, “I’m so sorry, I scared you. I am so sorry. I’m never leavin’ you. Never. And no one, no one will ever touch you.”

Steve flushed and leaned up to catch Bucky’s lips. Bucky smiled into the kiss and let Steve push them back onto the bed, straddling Bucky’s hips, moaning into his mouth, so damn _needy_. Bucky could hardly contain himself, he gripped Steve’s hips tightly, tight enough to bruise. But Steve loved it when he had Bucky’s marks, the hickeys and finger shaped marks, it just proved that he was well and truly Bucky’s. And only Bucky could touch him.

“Hmm, hmm, baby, baby wait,” Bucky said, cupping Steve’s face, “are you sure you wanna do this? You’re not still upset, are you?” Steve shook his head and nuzzled into Bucky’s neck. 

“Love, you gotta use your words,” Bucky admonished gently.

“I want…to carry on,” Steve shivered when he felt Bucky’s hands moving closer and closer to his ass and grabbed two handfuls. Bucky grinned and flipped them, so that he was blanketing Steve’s body with his own, heat all around them.

“Okay, Stevie,” Bucky nudged his nose against Steve’s and withdrew quickly to put all the art supplies on the desk and then returned to the bed. They melted into each other’s warmth, kissing heatedly. Steve felt like fire had crawled up his spine, running through his blood. He felt like he was melting into the mattress, moaning happily underneath the man above him.

“I love you,” Steve whispered against Bucky’s lips, “I-I’m sorry for reactin’…like that. I just… _need_ you. I can’t –

“I know, darlin’,” Bucky said, kissing Steve’s lips softly, once, twice and then a third time, nibbling at his bottom lip, tasting the sweet taste of his baby doll’s mouth, “I’m never leavin’ you. I love you too much to be without you, even for a couple of hours.”

Steve giggled, “sweet talker.” And Bucky grinned, leaning down and kissing Steve’s jaw, then his chin and his neck, nibbling his earlobe, rolling his hips against the blond’s.

Steve let out a small whimper and spread his legs for Bucky to get between. They melded into one soon enough, a hazy, passion filled mess of kissing and hands, stripping away clothes, touching each other reverently. Bucky took his time, kissing Steve down from his neck, over his chest and those perfect tits, down to his stomach and hip bones.

“Oh, _oh_ ,” Steve mewled, feeling Bucky kiss his inner thigh, breathing dangerously close to his cock. Bucky smirked and purred happily at the back of his throat, kissing Steve’s stomach again, sucking love bites into blushing skin.

“I gotcha doll,” Bucky growled, big, possessive hands on his thighs, spreading them. “God, _Stevie_. You’re perfect, you know that? Little angel, you are.”

Steve whimpered and blushed, turning his face to the side, trying to hide. Bucky smiled, he loved it when Steve got all shy on him. Crawling back over Steve, he crooned, “don’t be shy baby. You’re beautiful.” And then he pressed his lips to Steve’s and kissed him like he was going to die without it.

Both of them were naked and hard, sweaty and hot. Tonight, wasn’t the night to string things out. Instead, Bucky quickly applied lube to his metal fingers and slipped one into the heat of Steve’s tight hole.

“Buck,” he moaned, high pitched and breathless, “oh, _oh_! Fuck, more, please, please, _please_ –

And then Bucky was slipping another finger alongside the first one, curling them against Steve’s prostate, scissoring them as he felt Steve’s muscles clench and unclench, making space for Bucky’s digits.

“Fuck yeah, baby boy,” Bucky groaned, kissing Steve’s forehead, “God, you’re always so _tight_ , feel amazin’ sweetheart. Even this arm can feel how warm and tight you are.”

Steve sobbed and wrapped his arms around Bucky’s neck, pulling him close. He muffled his high-pitched moans and whimpers into the heat of Bucky’s skin, as the latter slid another finger inside, thrusting them in and out, stretching him open. “Auh, _auh_ , oh, yes, _yes_!”

He came twice before Bucky had even slid inside him. And when Bucky was fully seated in Steve’s puckered, wet and open hole, Steve was floating. “God, baby doll. Love how much you need it, love you. Fuck, _Stevie_ ,” Bucky growled and kissed Steve’s tearstained cheeks, licking at the moisture there.

It was soft and passionate at the same time, slow but relentless and perfect, everything that Bucky did, Steve loved. Bucky’s hands were on his hips, lifting them up silently to pound into the tight heat sucking him in. Steve was _delirious_ , high on pleasure as he let the white light take him away. All he knew was Bucky’s mouth on his own, on his skin, those strong hands holding him, the thick, wonderful cock rocking into him, hitting his prostate, harder and harder with each thrust.

He knew he was making noise, moaning and whimpering Bucky’s name and _oh_ and _yes_ and _oh_ , _oh_ , _oh_ and _ohohohohohoh_ , until nothing he said made sense. Bucky was grunting and growling, low in his throat, digging his fingers into Steve’s adorably, tiny waist, kissing him possessively. Their tongues clashed and all Steve could do was whine happily, trying to match Bucky’s pace, rolling his hips up to rock himself on Bucky’s cock.

But Bucky was clearly doing all the work and Steve didn’t mind one bit.

"I love you so damn much Stevie,” Bucky said huskily, “God, baby boy, there's no one, _nobody_ for me but you, nobody better than you, you're so damn perfect, love you, Christ, you feel so good, fuck baby.”

And what was all it took for Steve to come. He arched off his back and came and _came_ between them, untouched as Bucky talked in his ear. He knew he was being possessive but he also knew how much it turned Steve on, how much he loved it. How much he needed to be _wanted_ , he needed to be loved and cared for. And Bucky was always happy to provide that level of attention to Steve.

“I could never let someone else hurt you. No one can touch you like I can, make you happy, give it to you like I can. I’d kill ‘em all, all of ‘em just for lookin’ at ya. Burn the world down, all of it for you. I swear, ain’t no one sweeter, no one. You’re _mine_ , I don’t deserve ya, but honey, I mean it, I love you.”

_He loves you._

“Buck,” Steve whispered, staring up at him with those big, wide, innocent eyes. He _knew_. God, he knew how much Bucky loved him. But it still took his breath away, “I love you too.”

_He loves you._

Bucky leaned down and nudged their noses together. He was still thrusting, short, powerful jerks of his hips and Steve was wrapped all around him, arms, legs, cock. That was it. Bucky grunted and came, marking and splashing against Steve’s inner walls, filling him up, until he was leaking with it. Steve whined and arched his back, come dribbling from his spent cock.

 _No._ Steve thought, smiling up at Bucky sleepily as the brunette finished inside him. _He loves me._

*******

After their love making, Bucky cleaned them both up, putting them both in the bath and washed away all the come, sweat and lube. He slid a nice plug into his baby’s bottom to keep him full and present. Once they’d finished and felt fresh and clean, Bucky dressed Steve in a jumper and underwear that both belonged to him. They were bagging on Steve and Bucky wasn’t ashamed to say it was a major turn on to see Steve in his clothes.

Bucky then dried himself off, dressed and cleaned up the bathroom and bedroom, while Steve sat patiently on the bedroom chair, always with Bucky in his eyeline. He was quiet, but Bucky knew he was happy, because he kept smiling at him and preening under praise. Bucky would speak to him, making sure that Steve was grounded. He made quick work of getting everything in order and then crouched down in front of his baby boy.

“Stevie, you with me?”

Steve nodded and made grabby hands at him wordlessly. Bucky chuckled and picked him up, sitting with him on the living room sofa, with their food in bowls next to them. Steve snuggled into his warmth and the blankets Bucky covered them in, while the TV played quietly in the background.

“Stevie, are you okay?”

Bucky had to ask again, worried. Steve was never really good with his words.

“I’m really good,” Steve hummed, nuzzling Bucky’s jaw, “thank you, Buck.”

Bucky smiled proudly and continued to feed Steve his dinner. They watched TV after, until Steve fell asleep in his arms, nestled against his chest, face tucked under his chin.

“Ain’t nothin’ as precious as you,” Bucky whispered, cuddling Steve to his chest. If there was one thing in the world that he was sure of, it was that he would always, _always_ look after and love Steve.

“You’re starin’ again,” Steve mumbled, half asleep against Bucky’s throat.

“Little punk.”

“Jerk,” Steve opened his sleepy eyes and smiled, light, content, happy, “my jerk.”

**Author's Note:**

> Heheheh XD I hope you liked!!


End file.
